– That ‘I’d Like To Forget’ Summer –
If you haven’t read my last post, you just might want to, seriously, since it explains an eye-opening event that hit me hard. (*1) However, a few other eye-opening events had taken place my high school senior year as well, causing my heart, mind, and soul to feel they were all going downhill.
For starters, my parents’ relationship had deteriorated. Nothing dramatically terrible, but enough to have the word ‘separation’ floating in the air. For me, stepping away from friends, as my last post explains, made it extra tough to not have a peace-filled home to come home to.
But one more thing caused many mind-draining thoughts my senior year. My best friend back then was a few years older, so you’d think I could lean on her after that eye-opening graduation night, right? Wrong. A wee bit of discomfort began on my side in telling her about things I was doing. Why? A few months before that event, something happened to her that seemed too foreign to me. She had become one of those religious, ‘born again’ people who say they are ‘saved,’ which made no sense to me. There were a few others during my senior year where this same thing had happened. But my best friend? Come on.
“That sounds nice,” I said, acting all happy for her while feeling even lonelier inside.
Whenever Willma shared some religious statement, like, “I could tell God helped me plan my college classes for the next quarter,” I just smiled and acted all happy. But I wasn’t letting it just go in one ear and out the other. I never asked her questions about it, but it did get me thinking as my journal shows.
May 1985 (one month before graduation)
I’m on my journey to understanding Christianity and what Jesus can do for me. But now even my best friend has gotten very religious.
However, I was still going to the Catholic church, saying my “In the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit,” while crossing myself, which to me seemed spiritual enough.
So there I was, the summer of 1985, living in a home with a bit too much tension floating around, no one from school to hang out with, along with this uncomfortable thinking about my ‘saved’ friend. I felt pretty empty, low, and alone. The only thing I clung to was being a ball girl for the Seattle Mariners that summer. Woohoo!